Stop wondering what that blank stare means. Our cutting-edge, proprietary laser technology tracks side-eye velocity and tail-twitch frequency in real time.
Advanced telemetry measures the exact angle of disappointment when you dare to look at them without offering a treat.
Predictive acoustic mapping decodes if the middle-of-the-night howling means "I see a ghost" or "My bowl is 4% empty."
Triggers immediate workspace optimization protocols exactly 1.5 seconds after you open an important spreadsheet.
Total human failures recorded globally today:
Analysis failed: The cat knocked your router off the shelf.